They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
