I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
