i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
