I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
