He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He better not be in your backpack
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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