I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
