My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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