yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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