I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
