My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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