I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
