i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize