Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
