Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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