ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
