so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
