I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
