i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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