That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My vagina is officially offended.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize