Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
