I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
