opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
