You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
