the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
