you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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