"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
