Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
