Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
