Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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