Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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