You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
