First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
