he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
