Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
