remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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