guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
