Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
