I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
