Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
