you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
