I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
