shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
