Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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