I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
