so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
