Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize