I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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