Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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