Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
