Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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