dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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