i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
