Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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