i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
