it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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