doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
if i can run in heels then i can drive
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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