College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
