Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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