In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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