That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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