Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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