Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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