how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
