I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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