Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
