I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
how drunk are you?
Several
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
