White coat. Heels.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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