a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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