Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
