With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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