Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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