I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
