too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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