Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
be right there i have to get my cape
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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