I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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