The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
