I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
