The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
