are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize