I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
