i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize