Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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