My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
