What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
