There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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