I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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