Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
