you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
