I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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