Michael Bay diarrhea
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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