how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
