Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize