If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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